I have been single for a long time now. Almost 25 years perphaps. Except that the part i enjoy my courtship days. i have been single for the most part of my life.
Being single is not a big problem really except that you dont have some one to share your sorrows and joy or theirs no one around to shre your lonliness with. Otherwise i should be just happy the way things are going in life.
Yday i went to movie. My friend who whose suppose to come along with me ditched me atthe last moment.So i ended up watching movie all alone. Soo sad..but my other collegue came along with his wife.After the movie, they met me outside the theatre. Since I had nothing to do and it was really rude to say that I had to go somewhere, I tagged along with them. No! don’t get me wrong. These are nice people. Newly married, funny and easy to mix with. But it’s is also a fact that , two’s a company and three’s a crowd.
But it becomes difficult to tag along with a couple and that too who are in love with each other and share a life together. You are the odd man out. They have their moments, their secrets, their affection and their chemistry. You are just like an extra chemical that tries to blend in. You are like an extra ingredient that could really make a very good dish go real bad. Although how much they try to make you feel comfortable, you tend to feel more uncomfortable.
Like the glances they might steal at each other. For no reason they may smile at each other and you are wondering “What? What? What’s the joke?” They suddenly begin to talk about the last time they went somewhere and how much fun you had. And you just stand there like a stupid and smile. What are you smiling for? You were not even there.
If you get a chance, you will run and run so fast that you are thousand miles from them. Let them enjoy each other’s company. But no! you just have to stand, sit and roam with them. Never to know what to do.
Its better if you know both of them. If not then it’s the worse. Specially when the person you know leaves you with the person you don’t know. What? Don’t they see I am stupid. Why do I have to open my mouth and confirm it. You don’t know what to speak. What to say? Well something personal, maybe about the stock market index or something interesting like what is the exact temperature is required to melt steel or iron or plastic or any damn thing that melts or maybe something about them. Believe me it’s a golden opportunity to make an ass of one’s self. “So, you both are in love?” What? What the hell was the question? Didn’t you have anything to say? Ofcourse they are in love and that’s why they are together. No you have to mouth the most stupid and dumbest line.
And then they have to be intimate with each other, hold hands or just hold each other. You, meanwhile would try as hard to look the other way. It’s not polite, isn’t it? You try to find anything that distracts you from them. Not that you like to see how much passionate they can become. But for god’s sake you are with them and where else to look. So, you try to look everywhere else except them. Oh that’s a nice building out there. How come I never saw that. Ah and that’s a wonderful piece of dog shit there on the footpath. What wonderful design it has made when somebody has stepped on it. Oh it looks like my shoe design. Shit!! I am the one who stepped on it.
It becomes worse when all three have to sit somewhere and you can’t even escape from there. You smile, read the menu for the hundredth time, appreciate the décor or just wonder did they serve you what you had ordered or just eat blindly trying hard not to show your non-existent table manners
It’s not always like that. I have had many good times with friends and many couples. It’s a problem when I am alone in a couple or the worst, more than one couple. Each couple thinks that I am with the other couple and completely ignores me, which brings me to where I started, alone.
Being uncomfortable with couples rest on the fact that I don’t like crowd. I would rather sit with my friends for dinner than go to a rocking party with them. But I think I have learnt to make my way out of such situations like the other day I preferred to walk for half hour to avoid meeting his girlfriend with him. OK! not a smart thing but a logical thing to do. I have to learn more.
Till then I continue to be trapped between couples and admiring the most irrelevant and beautiful things around me like that cloud really looks like bugs bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A couple of Problem नोव्हेंबर 29, 2006
Habitual habits नोव्हेंबर 24, 2006
When we were in early childhood , we were taught books are to be revered as they give the best knowledge than the teacher can give. It was taught that when somebody drops a book by mistake or anyone touches the fet of elder or younger, you must say say sorry. this sorry was said in specific manner for books like touching the book bowing your head down and bringing the hand near your heart.This was one way of showing respect to the books and the other was to lift the book in both your hands and touch to your head and then to your heart.No words are spoken but the gesture should say that you inded are sorry.
The rule is even followed by elderly people who accidentally touch the young ones feet even by mistake.Each country has his or her own way of intrepret things. The way we indians say sorry might be interpreted in some other way in some other place.
While returning home from office today, i w as making my way through a busy crowded MRT, when my foot bumped into a old lady.Insticntively and without giving a second thought i bent down touched her feet said sorry and touched my heart.The lady on the seat looked like i am kindaoff weirdo or something. And i kept smiling and looked away.
True to words. they say
“Old Habits are hard to die”
Familiair strangers नोव्हेंबर 22, 2006
While i was walking in Mustafa, doing window shopping thinking about gifts to be taken as souveiners back home one quiet little chinese fellow walked up to me and said lets walk down to the hotel. Well nothing wrong in that except that we didint know each other.I was quiet taken aback . I mean this doesnt happen in singapore.. isnt it a uniques city by itself.Well seeing my expressions he introduced himself. Only after that i had realised he was a colleague from my singapore office.We have talked over phone and mails but we havent met personally . the reason he recognized me in the mall was he was the one who signed for my visa details.I had imagine th eperson to be uiet older and bulkier than he actually was.
Similar incident happened to be when i was in mumbai few months ago. I met a customer whom i have interacted a lot in my company on phone and mails but havent personallymet or introduced.Again it was quiet surpriseing to meet him unexpectedly. This surprise grew when he sent me a small gift on diwali.
I think a concept called “familiar strangers” describes this situattion well.I guess familiar strangers are those whom we travel with, where we live in same apartment but whom we do not interact with. We see these people every where but we never make an attempt to speak with them.We acknowledge their presence but ignore to talk to them. And wen we dont see familiar faces we wonder what happened to them.. isnt it?
In todays worl when we are connected by the latest means of communication we hardly remain in touch with our friends. When i started my job itwas mre than 8 hours of working,the habit of meeting out friends went . Followed by emails and now there are few scare mails.Not to forget the spams.
So what makes people communicate with each other and still remain perfect strangers with each other. Didnt our mom tell us in childhood never to talk to strangers..and yet when i find ac omment on my blog i try to reach out the person who has taken pain to reach me and read he crap i have written. We exchange mails we discuss..but yet remain strangers to each other.
I find this pretty amazing i mean there are people whom i can call safely call friends whom i have never met but i know them by their email ids , their chat id or their comments but hav never met them personally.I have never met in my life but yet i know them all.And some day in this world we may just pass each other without knowing each other and yet knowing each other well.
Arent we a perfect familiar strangers.????
Living Mumbai नोव्हेंबर 10, 2006
Hush i am back from bangalore. It has been a long long flight with flight getting rescheduled twice and cancellation.Its 28 degrees when i landed in night. Its the first time when somebody ahs come to pick me up at airport.It actually feels good. The airport is bustling like the usual fare. Its expected of mumbai afterall its aliving city. i see people alive and kicking even in midnight hours. i was warned not to venture out in bangalore alone in night. Not that Banglaore is unsafe its just that mumbai is lot safger than blore.Actually its one of the safest ciy in the world.
So here i am at the midnight on mumbai airport. My bro is driving me back home. we ate masala dosa at 1.00 in midnight it was real tasty and tangy.
S why am i happy to be back Its has just been 48 hrs and i am back. but still i am back. Coz my friends are here, my family lives here since ancesters maybe thats the reason i love mumbai. I am born here. I have studied here. I have started my career here. I have lots of memories attached to this city.actually associated with mumbaiBut still the city is specal for me for many people like me.Especially for those who were born here, for those who live here, for those who work here, for those who struggle here. It’s a city, which struggles, which fights every day for its existence. And everyday succeeds. It’s a city where dreams are born, lived and where dreams are killed. But thousands of people join the already existing dreamers of Mumbai everyday. Everyday life is a struggle. It’s a battle to reach somewhere. Life’s not easy and everybody knows it.
Remember the song
Eh dil hai mushkil jeena yahan
Jara bachke, jara haske, yeh hai bambai meri jaan
I guess Mumbai is truly a City of Dreams. .
Good old days!! नोव्हेंबर 7, 2006
Isnt childhood a nicest thing in world. As we grow old we tend to remember our childhood more often than anything. Today in my workplace we colleagues where discussing the little joys of childhood which we miss as adults. Most of us agreed to miss schooldays though each one of us admitted they hated going to school. They particularly hated maths and science. School ground was the favorite pasttime for most of the kids.By the time we reached class 8 th, evryon e would have statred building castles in air about the career, not forget the first crush in school.Often it was the head boy/girl of the school whom we were always impressed with. Apart from schooldays one misses the family gatherings during summer vacation . I remember once i was sentt o ratnagiri to stay at my aunts place along with bunchfull of cousins. Thse were the season when Alphonso Mangoes ripened and we had great time pulcking mangoes right from the small twiny whiny green ones to the freshly turne yellowish red. It was a absolute delight.Also i miss the heap pf ripened mango ready to be sent to Mapro for canning. I have never seen such a huge heap of mangos that too alphonso in my life. I miss the waadi which was huge garden with bananas, mangoes, guava etc lined up with spices and flowers for offering for god. Among the floral plants,mogra was my favorite. It was a mesmirising effect when you have a full moon day with lingering deep fragrance of mogra. Imagine sitting on swing with one of your favorite novel in your hand on the full moon day with soft chariasmatic fragrance lingering behind you.
One more vivid memory of my childhood is drowning in sea at ganpati Pule. It was cleanest sea i have ever seen in India. The big waves that keep coming to meet the sea shore and golden beach with the sun behind you,catapults the enviornment. I shrugged my hand frommy mothers hand and ran straight into the sea. I was 6 years old then without reading the warning or signboards i just ran into sea. The sea was prepared to engulf me the moment i entered into it.One large wave which came storming was enough to swept me off the seashore. Luckily some life guards saw me running in to the sea and pulled me from drowning int o large wavepool. Till date i am afraid of water now but i throughly love watching the sea. For me it has a tantalizing effect.
i is smy childhood days do you ?
Fitness Regime नोव्हेंबर 7, 2006
Every few months a new fitness trend that promises to get you into fabulous shape is the rage. You rush and try it, only to realise it is not giving you a Perfect 10 body.
What’s going wrong? Fitness Expert Brinda Sapat helps you get the facts right:
Probably the reason you don’t see results is that most fitness trends address only one or two of the four components of fitness required by the body.
What are the four components?
Cardiovascular fitness
This category consists of cardio exercises like walking, aerobics or swimming, sustained for 30 to 40 minutes, at least thrice a week. This component helps BURN FAT and strengthens your heart and lungs.
Muscular strength
This includes exercises using heavy weights and utilising as wide a variety of muscles to lift weights. This helps to increase muscle mass and strength.
Muscular endurance
Exercises using lighter weights and more repetitions work to gain muscular endurance. This helps your body to cope with daily physical tasks.
Flexibility
Stretching exercises fall into this category. Flexibility helps prevent muscular and joint injuries; and improves posture.
Any fitness routine that does not include all these components is incomplete. You body will never be fit until you give it these four different types of training.
Now that you have understood the basics, let us look at different fitness trends and the components addressed by them:
Power Yoga
Fitness component: Muscular strength, endurance and flexibilityMisses out on: CardioWhat it will do for you: It will help to strengthen and tone your muscles, improve your posture and overall shape.What it will not do: It will not help burn large amounts of fat.Summing up: Addresses 3 of 4 components
Mat Pilates
Fitness component: Muscular endurance and flexibility, focusing mainly on your abs, back and hips.Misses out on: Cardio and muscular strength.What it will do for you: It will increase endurance in your abs, back and hip region. This makes Pilates one of the most needed forms of exercise in your fitness routine. The abs, back and hip support your entire body. If this area is weak, it can result in serious or chronic back and hip problems and injuries.What it will not do: It won’t help burn fat. Not even on the tummy, hip and back. There is no such thing as spot reduction. Also, it will not improve muscular strength.Summing up: 1� of 4 components
Dancing (any form)
Fitness component: If dancing is sustained for 30 to 40 minutes, 3 to 4 times a week, you will see some cardio benefits. Flexibility will also be addressed if stretches are being done frequently.Misses out on: Muscular strength and enduranceWhat it will do for you: Burn some fat, increase flexibility and grace and improve posture.What will it not do: It will not strengthen your muscles. Nor will it increase endurance.Summing up: 1� of 4
Spinning
Fitness component: Cardio and muscular endurance in the lower body.Misses out on: Muscular strength and flexibilityWhat it will do for you: Burn fatWhat it will not do It will not improve muscular strength. The upper body misses out on endurance training. No flexibility training.Summing up: 1� of 4
Stability Ball
Fitness component: Can address all four componentsMisses out on: NoneWhat it will do for you: If used for all four types of training, it can do everything. Aerobics with the ball addresses the cardio component. Adding a pair of weights to the stationary exercises helps target muscular strength and endurance. A variety of stretches can be done using the ball, improving flexibility.What it will not do: Nothing!Summing up: 4 of 4
Kick boxing (aerobics style)
Fitness component: Cardio and some flexibilityMisses out on: Muscular strength and endurance.What it will do for you: Burn fat and increase some amount of flexibility What it will not do: Does not address muscle strength and enduranceSumming up: 1 � of 4
Stylised aerobics (Salsa, hip-hop, African, country etc.)
Fitness component: CardioMisses out on: Muscle strength, endurance and flexibilityWhat it will do for you: Burn fat at a much higher percentage than a pure dance class.What it will not do: Will not improve muscle strength, endurance or flexibility.Summing up: 1 of 4
Resistance equipment (dumbbells, barbells, tubing, bands, etc.)
Fitness component: Muscular strength, endurance and flexibility (post workout stretching)Misses out on: Cardio What it will do for you: Improve muscle strength and endurance. Will tone the body. The post workout stretching will increase flexibility.What it will not do: It will not burn fat Summing up: 3 of 4
Boot camp (army style training, which includes cardio, strength, endurance and flexibility drills)
Fitness component: A bit of everythingMisses out on: A bit of everythingWhat it will do for you: A bit of everythingWhat it will not do: A bit of everythingSumming up: 2 of 4
By the time you read this article, another fitness trend may be cropping up. Remember to verify what the workout is actually doing for your body. This does not mean that if it doesn’t address all four components it shouldn’t be done. Fitness trends aren’t hoaxes; they are simply different and newer ways to work your body. The more variety you add to your fitness regime, the better your body responds and the fitter it gets and that, is the best way to workout. You could try all the above. Mix and match to make sure all the four components are addressed and you’ll finally be working your way to being a Perfect 10!
– Brinda Sapat is the head of the Group Exercise Department at Gold’s Gym, Napean Sea Road, Mumbai. Certified with Training Zone & Progressive Fitness (USA), she has been a fitness instructor for the last nine and a half years.
